Report from Farris, See & Co, Human resource Consultants

to Jesus Josephson, Esq., "Carpenters-R-Us", Nazareth

 

We have conducted in-depth psychological and aptitude tests and evaluations and have investigated the histories of the 12 men you have chosen as the executive team for your new organisation.  We regret to inform you that in our opinion you have, with one exception, picked men whose education, history, work experience and aptitude are outside vocational expectations for the sort of work you have in mind.  Their experience of teamworking and structured organisation creation is meagre and confined to unskilled manual co-operation.  In short, your choices are not "officer calibre".

 

Specifically:

Andrew lacks leadership aptitude.  Like his brother Simon Peter, he is unadventurous and is neither a mover nor a shaker.

Bartholomew is so timid that he neither responded to our questions nor were we able to discover anything about him.

Both James Alphaeusson and Thaddeus have radical leanings, and register highly on the manic-depressive scale.

The brothers James and John Thunderboys, are prone to outbursts of enthusiasm.  They lack social graces.

Matthew gave us identification problems.  His original name was Levi, and he has been blacklisted by the Israel & Judah Chamber of Commerce.  The reason for this, we regret to inform you, is that he used to be a licensed tax collector.  Ditch him at once.

Philip lacks the ability to respond to unexpected circumstances.

Simon Keen has not outgrown his militant student radicalism.  He is a danger.  Sack him immediately.

Simon Peter allows his personal interests to outweigh loyalty to his superiors.  We regard his concern for his mother-in-law's well-being as excessive and misplaced.  He is unreliable and easily distracted, and is unlikely to wish to work outside Jerusalem.

Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale.

 

However, there is one outstanding candidate.  He has a sound business background and a useful network of contacts in the Sanhedrin.  He scored exceptionally highly in our motivation and ambition tests.  Consequently, we unhesitatingly recommend that you appoint Judas Iscariot as your Financial Director and Deputy Chief Executive.  He has the potential to succeed you when you hand over the reins of power.

 

With respect, we feel that your approach has been amateur.  Leave personnel selection to professionals.  We would be very pleased to offer our headhunting services and are sure that we could find high-calibre staff better suited to your needs.  Unless you have competent management, your new organisation will never get off the ground.

 

Yours sincerely,  Farris, See & Co.

 

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